From the Ex’s and Ho’s Category
Folks on my Ohio State newsgroups are aghast at this revelation yesterday that our 3rd string quarterback, who had all but ascended to the 2-deep and had gotten most of the backup playing time in our nailbiter against Northwestern Saturday, was arrested after offering an undercover officer $20 for sex.
It’s not that they’re surprised that a teenager might evince a sex drive - they’re dumbfounded, and I think their pride’s a little hurt, that a Buckeye quarterback feels a need to pay for sex. The archivists are bloodying their nails searching for a precedent. I remember once when I was a student at OSU and experiencing some of that special loneliness characterized by animal head ornamentation, two really hot women walked into the lobby of my dorm, picked up the house phone* and cold-called the 2nd-string quarterback, Ron Maciejowski. (the kid got to start once a year when Rex Kern would take the Wisconsin game off.) Completely ignoring yours truly, who was no doubt picturesquely pretending to study. Dagger to the heart, that.
Another surprise for me is the apparent Seattle/Columbus exchange rate. Around here, $50 is a cheap dinner for two, and I wouldn’t bet on the chances of a cheap dinner getting you laid. Some on my OSU list were wondering if the deep discount might have been an NCAA violation if consummated.
The best reportage I’ve seen of the incident comes from the always-hilarious EDSBS (Every Day Should Be Saturday). They hit us where we live with the caption “I-O! H-O!”
* - The more perceptive of you will notice the absence of the terms “cell phone” or “texting” in this anecdote
i didn’t notice any elephants either.
i guess OSU doesn’t offer classes, formal or informal, on recognizing undercover cops.
The Mrs. wishes that I was in the SEC…………..
Roger - elephants are always in the living room, not the dorm lobby. And, yes, you’d think the Sports Management major would include, in the first few days after matriculating, a course on how to slither through legal situations both simple and complicated. Maybe the guy’s in Molecular Chemistry.
Brian - You think she means, because those nice Baptist boys wouldn’t be caught in a situation like this? Do you remember our cousin’s email a couple weeks ago?:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God’s chosen people.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
Christian world.
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.
Phil as you know I was an OSU jock in that same jock dorm you stayed in and I can only tell you that I benefitted enourmously from the buffet bar that was coeds wanting to do OSU athletes. One time I walked by Kenny Kuhn’s room and he opened the door and said “here take this one i got two others i can’t control.” she was in a leg cast-interesting sex indeed.
Some on my OSU list were wondering if the deep discount might have been an NCAA violation if consummated.
That is hilarious.
Second-string QB or no, $20 is a fantastic bargain. Even from a cop. Clearly this is a young man who knows how to get it into the end zone. Just think of what he could accomplish as the starter!
Larry - sadly, my interaction with jocks in the dorm was decidedly less felicitous. After gathering for an evening in someone’s room to toke up, they’d fan out along the corridor knocking on people’s door and
begging fordemanding munchies. I’d crack the door just wide enough to hold a bag of chips out, and hope against hope to pull my arm back intact.Kathy - you never know when some innocuous kind deed to an athlete will trip you up.
Marc - he only got to the Red Zone on that drive.